Turkey bacon is...not...quite...it's just...I can't...
It's gross.
Mondo gross.
And I know I sound like a ruddy valley girl, but them's facts, me luvs.
You can't have a proper bacon sandwich with turkey bacon. It doesn't sizzle, it just...burns and goes all...narsty and smugh.
Yes.
Smugh.
You know what's stupid?
I can't sleep.
And my piercing itches like a bastard on a stick.
Cause they're very itchy...erm...bastards.
On sticks.
And...I had a seriously crack!head dream last night.
It involved Jason Statham and Marilyn Monroe, an old-fashioned steam-engine,
and The Chronicles of Narnia.
Yeah.
No kidding. It was so messed up.
Uh.
Insomnia is a pest and a half.
Especially when someone who will remain unnamed very unhelpfully volunteered a mental image of drippingwethughjackmaninatowelonly, and I am unable to go to sleep to make proper use of said image.
Perhaps I shall try to take over the world.
Now where are those lab rats?
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